le halo

today i learned a very valuable lesson. apparently, in france, sometimes it pays to fuck up. par exemple, today i stopped by the grocery store on my way home to re-up my ricola and wine supply. i grabbed a few other things, and i ended up with a total of about €18 worth of groceries. i had inexplicably left my carte bancaire at home, and i had €15 on me, so i had to apologize and have the cashier go through the complicated (and annoying, i'm sure) process of calling the head cashier to bring the key that would allow the cash register to subtract a few things. the first time i made this mistake, it was with Jurga, my all-time favorite Champion cashier. i was extemely embarrassed, i didn't really understand what she was telling me to do at first, and there was a huge line behind me. she had always been polite and she was clearly flustered that day, but she recognized that i was mortified and on the verge of tears, and she has been incredibly kind to me ever since. she even says hello and smiles at me when i see her outside of the store. the cashier whose line i went through today is normally borderline unfriendly with me- i avoid going through her line for this reason, but she had the shortest line today- she isn't outright rude or malevolent, but she's always treated me (moreso than other customers) with a sort of weary dismission. so when i realized that i'd forgotten my card, i was afraid that she was going to stab me in the face with her eye-daggers, but surprisingly she softened on seeing me in need of help. she actually SMILED at me and told me it wasn't a big deal, it happens all the time, blah blah blah. her voice was suddenly warm and comforting. normally when i fuck up stuff like that, it ruins my afternoon and i feel like a moron, but this woman showed sympathy for an absent-minded foreigner and it absolutely made my day. i'll never forget you, Alena!

the french kids on my floor are listening to 'Wonderwall' and taking turns with call-and-response style solos...

"i said maybe..." (maaaybeeeeeee) "you're gonna be the one that saves me..." (that sèèèèves meeeee) "and after all..." (affffter ollllll) "you're my wonderwall..." (wanderwalllllll.... ahhhhhhhh).

very.... gospel-y...

and now someone has broken out the acoustic and they're doing 'Seven Nation Army' and none of them know the words. and it's midnight. looks like it will be an earplugs night.

i still love france.

i have been in france for 6 months today. my hair is longer (and desperately needs a trim (not a cut), a concept that the french do not grasp), my horizons are broader, and my plans for life have completely changed, but i am still exactly the same haley you guys knew before. not bad for 6 months, not bad at all.

thanks, france. je t'aime. and i always will.

the french dude that wears berets and black and white striped boatneck shirts (whom i am obsessed with) is in one of my classes!!! i want to steal his ipod to see what he listens to.

he was on the metro when i was on my way home from my medical appointment. i entertained the thought of getting off at his stop and following him, but i decided that's way too creepy. please don't mistake this for a romantical-type fixation, because it is not. i just want to know who this beret-wearing oh-so-ironic guy is- what makes him tick. and yet i have no desire to talk to him.

i can't remember being this disturbed by an advertisement in all my life. i can't imagine the look of horror i must have had on my face as i turned to Annie to mouth the words, what the fuck?!

... good riddance.

i have not posted anything in quite a while. this is because i have been stuck in the doldrums. the phantom tollbooth-caliber doldrums. no motivation. whatsoever.

i've reallllly been hating on haley as of late. everything i do (or don't do) receives a harsh reprimand. it's vicious.

nothing really bad has happened. nothing really good has happened. (except There Will Be Blood, which you should see if you haven't). i have, however, compiled a list of the little things that have made me smile and/or frown during my absence. here you go:

-our thème professor taught the french kids a possible translation of "tu peux foutre le camp": "fuck off and die"... they abbreviate it to f.o.a.d. in the UK, apparently, which makes it seem almost polite.

-our thème professor remembered who we (carolyn & i) are and double-checked if a phrase existed in american english. he has done this each class since. it makes me want to send him a love note.

-the super-friendly man at the front desk remembered my name! he's not on duty that often, but when he is, he always seems vaguely amused by my cheeriness, which only makes me bubblier.

-i bought a refurbished black 160GB ipod with a portion of my tax return money, but i won't get it until the end of april. it will be like a little surprise.

-stephen malkus & jicks' new album = yum.

-this:

i love how reluctant the apricot is. i would be, too.
 

-and this:

-one of my professors is a fellow mac nerd who has no clue how to work a slide projector. technology...

-got a fountain pen for 1,50€. it's niiiice.

-my grandparents always ask me if i've got a french boyfriend when i call, which really kinda depresses me as no one, male or female, has given me a second glance since i've been here. i make flirty eyes at this one vendor at the marché, but i'm pretty sure he's just wondering what i want to purchase from his table. that was not meant as a double entendre.

-i had a video chat for a couple of hours with balin, and it was the most fun i've had in a long time. video chat kicks phone call's ass. there were screenshots, oh yes:

-i've been watching Dexter. brilliant show. i'm only 4 episodes in, so don't give anything away... if you have anything to give away.

-our money for march got lost somewhere between the international relations office and our banks, and it took them a week to resolve it. (technically 2 weeks from when they supposedly sent the funds). almost made me regret the 2nd and 3rd viewings of There Will Be Blood. almost. but not quite.

-i saw a preview for a movie called August Rush before each viewing of TWBB, and by the third time, i was saying really, reallllly mean things about the people in the preview. i officially hate this movie. not as much as that Alvin movie that i won't name, but if i have to look at Robin Williams in a cowboy hat one more time, i'm going to unleash my unchecked aggression on my fellow moviegoers... and that's not cool. i'm crossing my fingers that they will have changed up the previews when i go back for viewing #4.

-i have learned that the french title for Be Kind, Rewind is "Soyez Sympas, Rembobinez". Rembobinez is now my very favorite french verb.

-i'm looking forward to seeing the new Guillermo del Toro movie, though it's going to be an interesting challenge seeing it in spanish with french subtitles.  might have to watch it twice.

-i am addicted to ricola pastilles tendres (menthol flavor). i like to bite them into tiny tiny chunks and swish them around in my mouth. better than being addicted to sleeping pills, i suppose. (a habit which i have completely kicked. go me.)

-i've been having rather unsettling dreams as of late. people from my past whom i'd rather not think about have been resurfacing. i'm glad i'm not weak enough to be controlled by people like them anymore.

-one of my dreams involved peeing uncontrollably and i was terrified when i woke up that it hadn't been a dream. luckily, it was :) just another weird-ass dream, typical of my nighttime wanderings.

-listened to Jesus Christ Superstar again for the first time in a while the other day. lesson: jesus was really pissy, judas was bad-ass and pilate's totally my type (GAY.)

-i'm giving a presentation by myself on william kentridge in front of the class next week. i'm fucking TERRIFIED.

so there you have it. february. a month gone by and my laundry basket is still full.

guess what! David Sedaris has a NEW BOOK coming out on June 3!!! i just pre-ordered the book & audiobook, so it will be waiting for me at my grandparents' house when i get back to the states :D

i haven't posted anything in a while. it's not that i haven't been doing anything, i've just been super busy. but i have been writing down little blog-worthy things in my trusty rhodia notepad. here are some highlights:

-the other day i saw a 50-something couple making out in public. they weren't drunk, just crazy about one another. it almost made me not want to give up. almost.

-i had my medical appointment for my carte de séjour. i had to sit in a room topless, alone with a strange man, but now i have a rad x-ray of my chest hanging in my window.

-my friend carolyn gave me the french version of Me Talk Pretty One Day on Valentine's Day, and it made me super-duper happy.

-during the holiday break, someone decorated the campus library with graffiti reading (in english) 'i need a fat girl'.

-one of my professors looks and sounds uncannily like Bricktop from the movie Snatch. he's a funny little old man though- not so much a cold-blooded gangster.

-saw No Country For Old Men. twice. because it was amazing.

-saw Juno. it was very cute.

-i've seen advertisements lately for a car made by Renault called 'Twingo', which i think sounds like the name of a villain's sidekick from a Disney movie.

-i saw a dude walking down the street the other day wearing his pants below his buttocks so that people could see the extremely important brand name written across the back of his underwear. i wanted to pull his pants down and set his underwear on fire. that or tell him he looked really fucking stupid.

-i am trying to take care of my insomnia issues without using drugs. i got a new mattress and a board to put beneath it, which i still haven't gotten used to, but my back already feels better, and i have a new rule: no laptop in bed after dark.

-i've decided to go back to a mostly vegan diet. i will still have a few meals a week that involve dairy, especially when i go out, but since i cook for myself so much anyway, i don't think it will be difficult at all. and since i'm being a good girl and taking my vitamins regularly these days, i won't have to worry about calcium. don't worry, i won't pass up any opportunities to taste new cheeses.

-my grandpa is in the hospital. he had a blackout last week and this week he went to the hospital feeling really weak. he's getting a pacemaker and should be home on wednesday, so he should be fine, but i'm still really worried about him.

-my grocery store is remodeling and it's messing with my head. it is looking much nicer now though.

-my hair is now long enough for two small pigtails! the top isn't long enough to make it into the pigtails yet though, so i wear pigtails with my scarf over the top. it's cute, i promise.

that's all i can think of at the moment. i will try to post more often as things happen.

on my way home from the first day of my new Histoire du Cinéma class (during which my professor showed us not only Georges Méliès and the Lumiere brothers, but also 2 White Stripes videos by Michel Gondry) i was deep in thought. thinking about my future, my classes, how depressed i've been for the past few days (acknowledging it is the first step in realizing that, like everything, it will pass), and just talking to myself in french, when i saw two petite blondes walking in my direction. as they approached, i heard a bit of their conversation: "OH MY GOD! i KNOW! sooooooo creepy!" "i KNOW, right?" they sounded like they were from the valley, but it's more likely that they were from the midwest. i briefly considered greeting my fellow americans (purely to find out where they were indeed from), but i figured they would probably be frightened as i've been letting my hair go wild & i looked vaguely like a swamp monster today. plus i didn't want to have to pretend i gave a shit about what they were doing here.  no animosity, i just don't really care. i gave them a furtive half-smile as i passed, and realized immediately afterward that the action had been meant for myself. the OMG girls seemed so out of place here, it was as if they were real live parodies sent to remind me how blessed i am to be here in europe. and i wore my surreptitious grin all the way home.

...

being obsessed with time, as americans tend to be, i have begun to recognize that one of my biggest hang-ups is fear of being late for class. the lateness itself does not bother me, but i am terrified by the idea that i may have to walk into class late. everyone will hear the door open and shut, everyone will turn to look at me. while i don't mind speaking up in class, i have no desire to be the center of attention in a room full of strangers. this scenario is especially horrifying in a foreign country. what if the professor asks me a question and i'm too stupefied to properly answer? what if i open my mouth and something terrible, like "je suis étrangère" ("i am foreign" or, depending on your interpretation, "i am a stranger") comes out?* thanks to my paralyzing fear of this situation, i tend to show up for class 10-15 minutes early. if my break between classes is long enough for me to go home, i set my alarm just in case i get caught up in something and lose track of time. today i accidentally set my alarm for far too early and ended up on campus with an hour to kill. as i had neglected to bring a book, i spent most of that hour sitting outside, listening to Pixies and people-watching (and occasionally snapping a photo).

the sight that struck me the most was a young man and woman walking together, laughing. their moment of enjoying on another's company radiated all the way over to me, and it made me smile. no matter where you are in the world, displays of friendship are inspiring. it made me wonder who had looked upon me with one of my best friends and smiled at the radiating warmth.

*i actually whispered those exact words to a girl in my cinema class today. it was positively cringe-worthy. and i cringed- boy, did i cringe. i was trying to listen to the professor (she's a fast talker, so i really have to concentrate) and this girl started whispering something to me. i have trouble understanding french when there is a lot of environmental noise- chairs scooting, people chatting, the shuffling of feet- but when i'm trying to concentrate on two things at once, and one of them is a whisper, forget it. i gave it a shot with this girl, asked her to repeat herself. it was a high-stress situation and i just blurted it out- 'i'm sorry, i am foreign/ a stranger" and got this look from her that was a mix of pity and weariness. i think we both cringed over that one. if i hadn't been on my way to another class immediately afterward, i would have tried to strike up a conversation with her. maybe next time.

...

after dinner i was lying in bed trying to read Montaigne ('trying' being the operative word- i haven't quite adjusted to him yet) when i heard the all-too-familiar sound of an acoustic guitar in my hallway. after taking note of this, i started back into my reading when they started playing "Happy Birthday" (or in this case, "Joyeux Anniversaire") with a group of people singing along, and later cheering and clapping. while i had little interest in being part of the celebration (i have been feeling a bit antisocial as of late) i did feel a little glimmer of Kentucky pride at hearing the tune, which was written by two schoolteachers in Louisville. i wondered if any of them knew that little fact, or even knew that Louisville existed. i decided that this was highly unlikely, but at least i can be proud of something coming out of Kentucky that doesn't involve grease and poultry.